


Can I hold you?

by ThePurpleWarlock



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, Family, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-03-23 22:15:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13797447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePurpleWarlock/pseuds/ThePurpleWarlock
Summary: I started this after LOS came out and I needed some Gwynburn in my life





	1. Chapter 1

Life always has a way of surprising you, even when you don’t expect it to. For the last five years, I had been a tutor for the Blackthorn children. Before that, I had worked in a weapons shop in Idris. I loved what I did, and wanted to do everything I could to protect the Blackthorns that I rarely had time for myself, not that I minded. But things changed the day the leader of the Wild Hunt: Gwyn Ap Nudd arrived at the Institute to inform Mark that Kieran had been taken from the Wild Hunt back to his Father’s Unseelie Court, tried for the murder of Iarlath, and had been found guilty. He was to be executed for his crimes unless someone intervened, but as the Wild Hunt had all been forced to agree that they would try to change the outcome, Gwyn had come to Mark, asking him to come to Kieran’s aid. 

If the conversation itself had been unexpected enough within its own right, I’m fairly sure that Gwyn kept trying to flirt with me. The leader of the Wild Hunt was trying to flirt with a Shadowhunter. The first thing he spoke to me were the words “Lovely lady” and then asked who I was. When I admitted that I was the tutor at the Institute, the then made a point of saying that teachers were highly regarded in the land under the hill. Though out the exchange he kept looking at me the way one might look at something beautiful. It was very distracting. 

Just before he left, he through an acorn at my feet, in which I was later informed could be used to summon him should I want to. On our return to the institute, I had hoped nobody had noticed Gwyn obvious attempts at flirting during the conversation. It was after Mark had explained the purpose of the acorn, he had then explained it was because he had admired me. Although it was sudden (he had literally only just met me) this was normal for faeries. Thankfully the conversation then changed, meaning that the attention was no longer on me, and whether or not Gwyn Ap Nudd of the Wild Hunt had feelings for me or not.

***A few hours later***

That night, as I lay in bed, I found myself re-thinking about the conversation we’d had on the steps of the Institute. I’d had a chance since, as soon after he had left, the Centurions had returned, and were their usual demanding selves. After dinner it had been found out that Mark had changed his mind about wanting to save Kieran’s life (he’d originally told Gwyn he would not be going to save Kieran, as he had caused suffering to both Julian and Emma, but had since decided that he couldn’t let him be tortured and killed so had gone off to save him) and Julian, Emma and Cristina had found out and had made the decision to go after him. I’d been absolutely furious at them for their stupidity, but there was nothing I could do other than make sure the rest of the Blackthorns were kept safe and the Centurions kept in their place. 

I knew that relationships between Shadowhunters and Downworlders was often frowned upon. Sure it wasn’t illegal but it wasn’t exactly the norm and there was still a taboo around the topic. But a relationship between a Shadowhunter and a Faerie? That was definitely a ‘no go zone’. What could happen between a Shadowhunter and the faeries was very limited. From the children, I knew the difficulties their sister had faces, with her wife. Aline was a full-blood Shadowhunter and Helen was half Shadowhunter/half-Faerie and the prejudice and discrimination had been disgusting so I could only imagine what it would be like if she had been a full faerie. I had spent my entire life living in fear of the judgmental views of the Shadowhunters, and it was awful, so why did my mind wonder to Gwyn? Why could I still see the way he looked at me? It was the same way someone looked when they saw something beautiful. I could pass it off, say I was over thinking things, but Mark’s comment about Gwyn admiring me meant I couldn’t, that something was going on. Convincing myself that nothing more would happen with the matter, I fell asleep, knowing I would need my energy for the following day.


	2. Chapter 2

***A few days later***

A few days after the encounter with Gwyn Ap Nudd on the stairs of the institute, I found myself, yet again face to face with the leader of the Wild Hunt, and, like the last time, he was flirting. He had returned Jules, Emma, Christina and Mark, as well as Kieran (the faerie they had gone to save) from faerie and for that I was grateful. What I hadn’t been expecting was that Gwyn’s flirting and apparent affection for me had progressed to the point where I was a common feature in his dreams, (which I admit I had no idea how to take) and had caused him to ask if I would agree to court him. His first two suggestions of slaying a frost giant and devouring a dear hadn’t particularly gone down well with me, but I had a feeling his heart was in the right place. I just hoped the fact I was blushing wasn’t obvious. On telling him I wasn’t particularly keen on his offer, Gwyn just looked crestfallen, which made my heart melt slightly. This only lasted for a moment, as I added I would still see him, and made my own suggestions. It wasn’t until later had I realised that I had agreed to go out with the faerie leader of the Wild Hunt. Why my life seemed to want to provide me with so many secrets I had no idea.

***A few days later***

Armed with the information that had been provided by the Blackthorn children the day Jules, Emma, Christina, Mark and Kieran had returned from faerie, I had travelled to Alicante to request a meeting with Jia, to ask if she would allow Kieran to testify to the council about what the Unseelie King was doing. Thankfully Jia agreed to the conversation. During our meeting, I told Jia what I could: That the lands of Unseelie were covered in blight, and Shadowhunter magic was rendered useless. I added that Kieran, who was a prince of Unseelie was prepared to testify on behalf of the Seelie court in front of the council about what his father was doing. This caught Jia’s attention. When she asked why, I explained that the Seelie queen was prepared to provide her army to aid the Nephilim in ridding the world of the Unseelie King, in exchange for the end of the Cold Peace. The Seelie Queen might hate the Shadowhunters, but she hated the Unseelie King more. 

Our conversation then turn to Zara and the Cohort, and there awful views on Downworlders. As it turned out, Zara had sent word to Alicante that she had been the one to kill Malcolm, something I knew to be a lie. Annoyingly I couldn’t explain HOW I knew this to be true. Without probing too much into the source of my information, Jia provided me with Zara’s file, to see if there was anything in there which could act as evidence that Zara had been lying and would be subsequently unfit to both run the Los Angeles Institute and have her views on Downworld influence the council. I just hoped I found something, not just for my own sake, but for the Blackthorns and every single Downworlder who walked this earth, especially those affected by the Cold Peace. 

I had only planned to read a few pages of Zara’s file before going to sleep, but the more I read, the more I wanted more information. Although I could find no strong, substantial evidence to prove she had lied, I did spot a concerning theme in what I was reading. All of Zara’s supposed victories occurred when she was alone, nobody there to witness what had happened. Sure there were instances where people would turn up, only to find the evidence of a supposed victory: an empty demon nest for example. All of her reports had been signed off by the same select few. Add that to the fact that Zara had no injuries (given all the things she claimed to have done, she would have accumulated a fair few scars and injuries) which caused suspicion. Zara was claiming other people’s victories as her own, to gain popularity not only within the cohort, but the wider Shadowhunter world. The more I read on Zara, the more I hated her. I knew I would do whatever it took to see her downfall.

It had gone dawn before I considered going to sleep. I had just put Zara’s file down when I heard something against my window. At first I assumed it was my mind imaging things as the result of being tired, but when I heard it again, I knew it wasn’t. Looking to the window, I saw something I hadn’t expected to see: Gwyn Ap Nudd. Opening the window, Gwyn asked me if I would like to ride with him. I would have accepted straight away had I not in my pyjamas, and was so concerned about the fact I had a faerie (the leader of the Wild Hunt at that) outside my bedroom, which was in Alicante. Gwyn didn’t seemed fazed about the entire thing. Apparently he had found out I was in Idris at dawn, so had come to find me, and on seeing me thought I was beautiful. That had warmed my heart as I knew faeries were unable to lie. Against my better judgement, I agrees and climbed out of my room to join him. 

I was grateful he made no effort to engage in small talk during out flight, as I was taking in the entire experience. Eventually we ended up in a clearing of Brocelind Forrest. I hadn’t realised just how hungry I was until Gwyn produced a selection of food and set out a picnic for us. This was defiantly one of the oddest things I had ever done. Saying that, it was a very enjoyable experience. I’m not sure if it Gwyn, or the wine he had brought, but I found myself opening up to the hunter, and doing a lot of talking. He was the first person I admitted to about my aim of teaching at the academy. He asked about Mark, and it became apparent that whatever people thought about Gwyn, he really did care deep down about those he let into his life, and his asking after Mark proved that. At some point during the conversation, I found myself leaning into him, almost borderline cuddling. Oddly enough, it felt very natural and I wished it could have lasted longer than it did.

On returning me to my room, Gwyn gave me one more surprise, my taking my hand and lightly kissing my knuckles. It was a lot softer than whatever I had imagined a kiss from Gwyn to be. “I hope to see you soon my lady. I cannot go to long without seeing your beauty” he said, and with that, he was gone. I found myself simply sitting on my bed for a couple of minutes, allowing the events of the last couple of hours run through my mind and sink in. Gwyn had said he wanted to see me again, and in the privacy and safety of my room, I admitted that I wanted to see him again as well.


	3. Chapter 3

I’d just come out of a meeting with Jia, when an acorn was thrown at me. It wasn’t just a random acorn, but rather a message from Gwyn to tell me that the Blackthorns were in danger, and I was to meet him outside Alicante. Without even thinking, I found myself running to the gate to get me out the city. It didn’t take long for me to see him. Pulling me onto his steed, we began to fly to London. I found my arms were firmly wrapped around his waist, keeping me close to him and preventing me from falling off. During our journey, he told me Mark had used the acorn he had given me to summon him. Livvy, Ty and Kit had been out in London, and some of the seven riders were out, looking for them believing that they had the Black Volume of the dead, which they didn’t. If the riders were involved, things wouldn’t end well. After some persuasion, Gwyn had agreed to look for them. 

It didn’t take us long to get to London, and to find Ty, Livvy and Kit. All three were putting up a fight, but they were no match for the riders. They seemed to back off a little when Gwyn and I arrived but I knew things could change at any moment. Whilst we were there, the riders felt one of their siblings die, and it was this that made them leave, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last we saw of them, which scared me. A lot. During our confrontation with the riders, Gwyn had been injured, but he refused to do anything about it until we had returned Livvy, Ty and Kit to the Institute and I was returned to Alicante. 

Once Gwyn had brought me back to Alicante, I knew I couldn’t let him leave until I had done something about his injury. There was a moment in which I found myself questioning if I had made the right choice in inviting him into my room, but seeing him wince as he sat on my bed, I knew I had made the right choice. I’d had to leave him temporarily to get some bandages for his injuries. On my return, he’d removed his shirt and armour, and the sight of him shirtless made my heart flutter, not that I would admit that. Sitting next to him allowed me to have a proper look at his injury, which was worse than I had initially thought, which gave me more reason to realise that my decision to ask him to come into my room to deal with his injuries was right.

We sat in silence whilst I washed his injury (admittedly it didn’t look as bad as it first seemed once I had gotten a lot of the blood off) and whilst doing so, realised his skin was a lot softer than I had been expecting it to be. I’d assumed his skin would be like his armour and would resemble bark, but it wasn’t. Sure it was covered in scars, which wasn’t surprising seeing as he was the leader of the wild hunt, but the bits that weren’t, were actually really soft. We’d been sitting in silence, and it wasn’t until I started bandaging his injury did he break the silence.

“I do not need another to tend to my injuries, I am able to do it myself” he said. I just continued with what I was doing whilst I responded with “sometimes it is nice to another tend to your injuries every so often” I said. He then turned to look at me then and what he said next took me by surprise. “And what of your injuries? Who attends to those?” I had no idea what to say to that, and it took a moment to process what he had just said. “I do not have injuries that need attending” I said, knowing that I wasn’t answering the question I had been asked. “You know that is not what I meant. We both know Arthur Blackthorn was in no fit state to run the Institute, and it is obvious that you care for the Blackthorn children, so why not take over the running of the Institute. I feel as though you are hiding something from me. If you do not feel for me, as I feel for you, please tell me and I will cause you no further trouble” he said, which made my heart contract.

The thing was, when Gwyn first came to the Institute to tell mark what happened to Kieran, his feelings were very much one sided. It was clear he felt more for me than what I felt for him, and yet, the more time I spent with him, I felt that I was starting to return the feelings he seemed to give away so freely. I think that was I decided that I would tell him the secret I had kept to myself for so many years. Instead of telling him straight out, I handed him a book, which included every Shadowhunter ceremony. Opening the page on becoming the head of an Institute, I asked him to act as the Inquisitor, and told him I would answer as though I was holding the mortal sword: completely honestly. Eventually we got to question that had prevented me from becoming the head of the Los Angeles Institute. “What was the name given to you at birth?” Gwyn asked, expecting me to say Diana Wrayburn. Instead, I kept my promise to tell the truth and said “David Laurence Wrayburn” which caused Gwyn to look at me and say simply “I do not understand.”

I stayed standing where I was, and started to talk, sharing a story I hadn’t told anyone else before. I explained that I had been born David, but despite my male body, I had always known I was a girl. My sister had guessed, and she gave me the strength for me to tell my parents, who accepted who I was. At home, I was allowed to be the girl I knew I was, but I had to be David in public. The older I got, the less comfortable I became in my own body. When I turned eighteen, my sister and I spent a year travelling in Thailand. Whilst there, I was able to be the woman I knew I was. I was introduced by my sister as Diana, and I was so at peace there, and felt so free. Whilst in Thailand, I met the warlock Caterina Loss.

A the mention of Caterina, Gwyn asked “I’m not sure how to say this right, but does Caterina know you were born David?” and I confirmed that she knew, and continued with my story. My sister and I were exploring an island which was rumoured to have Thotsakan Demons. As it turned out, this was not the case. Instead we were met with revenants. We fought for as long as we could, but both my sister and I were injured. It was Caterina who healed us, and it was through her healing that she saw my body, and she realised the truth. It was at this point Gwyn reached his hand out to me, and said my name, I refused, knowing that if I took his hand, I would not reach the end of my story. I had cried for a sister who had died. Her death destroyed me more than I can explain, but Caterina pulled me through it. Remembering my sister brought tears to my eyes, which I could feel rolling down my face but I knew I needed to keep talking.

Caterina had been a nurse a long time, working with both Shadowhunters and Mundanes. It was her work in Mundane hospitals that had given her a word to explain who I was: Transgender. Knowing there were others like me brought me to tears. Caterina helped me meet others like me, others who had been born into the wrong body. It was her who helped me get the treatment to transition into the body I belonged to. During this time I made so many friends, people who accepted me and I didn’t have to hide from. Mundane medicine is forbidden by the clave, and yet there I was accepting it. Gwyn at this point had asked why I had chosen mundane medicine over magic. “A spell can be undone by another spell. I wanted a body nobody could take from me” I explained. 

My parents knew, and accepted it. The told the Clave that it had been David who had died. I spent three years there, and prevented my parents from visiting as I was scared that their stories to the Clave would be exposed as lies. Then the mortal war broke out, and claimed my parent’s lives. I couldn’t tell my friends what had happened, as they would expect me to return for a funeral, meaning I mourned alone. When I started treatment, I had put my life as a Shadowhunter behind me, made my peace with the fact I could never return. But that was before the war. Knowing that I was a Shadowhunter, and that my own people were fighting and would need as many fighters as they could, I returned as Diana, and told them I was the daughter of Aaron and Lissa Wrayburn, and amongst all the chaos that was going on, nobody questioned it. “Nobody ever has, for which I am grateful for, as I know of the prejudice and bigotry I would face for being transgender and I know the law would not be kind on my using mundane medicine. That is why I have never applied for the position of head of the Institute. I thought if I at least stay as their tutor, I could offer whatever protection I could” I explained. 

I had presented my deepest secret to Gwyn, and by doing so had completely opened myself up to him. There was a pause then, and that terrified me. What if he decided that he no longer wanted me because I had been born a boy? How he ultimately ended up reacting took me by surprise, but in a very good way. Getting off the bed, Gwyn gracefully got to his knees in front of me, and looked at me with his black and blue eyes. “When I first laid eyes on you, I knew that you were one of the fiercest and bravest women who has walked on this earth, and I know it to be true” he said. “Gwyn” I started, but got stopped when he then asked, very simply “can I hold you?” and for some reason, I realised that in that moment, the only thing I wanted was to be held by the man in front of me. Lowering myself to my knees in front of him, I allowed Gwyn of the wild hunt take me into his arms. I felt safe, like nothing could hurt me. I found that my own arms had wrapped myself round him. 

I’m not sure how long we stayed like that, but eventually we broke away. Gwyn gently put his finger under my chin to lift my face to look at him. “May I kiss you?” he asked softly, to which I nodded, too stunned for words. Cupping my face, he then lowered his own until his lips were on mine, and we were kissing. I hadn’t imagined that my first kiss would be with the leader of the Wild hunt, but now that it was, I’m glad it was him. My fingers ended up in his hair, pulling him closer to me. I have no idea how long the kiss lasted, but when we finally broke for air, we simply rested our foreheads together, breathing heavily. He had left soon after, but not before we had shared another, shorter kiss. The last thing he said before leaving was “I hope to see your beautiful face again lovely lady”.


	4. Chapter 4

In the days and weeks that followed that horrendous council meeting, I knew I needed to keep myself strong for the Blackthorns, Emma and Kit. Livvy’s death had broken them all in a different way, and they all needed healing. Although her death had also affected me, I knew I needed to support them through there loss. Jules had hidden himself in his studio, and wouldn’t talk to anyone, not even Emma. On the few occasions he did leave, it was obvious that he wasn’t sleeping well, nor was he eating enough. Emma had seemed to achieve the impossible and trained more than she normally did. Ty had broken into so many pieces, meaning Kit rarely left his side. 

Although Kit needed support as Livvy had been one of the two people Kit had befriended at the Institute (Ty being the other one), he seemed to realise Ty had lost his twin and needed to re-find himself, so committed himself to that. Both Mark and Helen seemed to be going through a guilt complex and blamed themselves (I’d overheard a conversation in which they felt they should have, and be doing more as the older siblings. I’d wanted to tell them that there was nothing that they could have done, but that would have meant admitting that I had been eavesdropping) and Aline was doing what she could to support Helen. Tavvy cried a lot, and Dru had just shut herself off and hidden in her room. All in all: the residents of the Institute were broken and I had no idea how to fix them. I focussed on doing what I could so I didn’t have to focus on my own thoughts and feelings about the situation.

It had been Christina who had noticed. Christina, like me wanted to help but seemed at a loss of what to do. I’d been in my office, and had burst into tears one day, unable to keep everything inside. Christina had come to find me (I think she needed to talk to me about something, but on seeing me crying, she hadn’t said it) and had taken one look at me sobbing and just went “talk to Gwyn Diana” which caught me by surprise. “What?” I asked, not quite sure I had heard her correctly. She sat down in front of me, and took my hand in hers. “Diana, you need support just as much as the rest of them. I know you have been holding yourself together for their sake, as I have, but I’m not sure how long you can last without talking about it with someone. You knew Livvy longer than I did so it’s understandable your upset, and I also understand why you don’t want to talk to any of the others. But you do have someone you can talk to, and that’s Gwyn. I beg that you seek comfort from him, for your own sake more than anyone else’s” she said, then left the room. Thinking about what she said, I realised she was right, which was how I found myself writing a note for Gwyn with the words “I need you” and sent it to him. I didn’t have to wait long for him to appear at my window.

It wasn’t until I saw him, did I realise just how much I needed him. Without saying a word, he extended his hand, and helped me out of the window and onto his steed. He then took us somewhere just outside of L.A where we wouldn’t be interrupted, and sat on the floor, opening his arms to me. When I joined him on the floor, he just wrapped his arms round me, held me close and went “you needed me. Please tell me what is bothering you my love” which made my heart flutter slightly. I started talking, and found that once I had started, I just couldn’t stop. I told him what had happened at the council meeting, and how Livvy’s death was affecting everyone at the Institute, and how I had no idea how to fix it. He let me talk, realising that I needed to let it all out. Once I had finished, he kissed me softly on the top of my head and asked “and how are you dealing with the loss?” I felt a lump catch in my throat and managed to get a “not well” out before I found myself crying for the second time that day. 

He let me cry myself out, for which I was grateful. Once I had stopped crying, he started talking. “The fact that this death has affected you all is good, as it shows that you all care. Shadowhunters have a tendency to hide their emotions, hide them away and pretend they don’t exist. You need to mourn, it is part of a healing process, but do not let the grief consume you. Understandably they feel her loss, but instead of hurting because she is gone, and have all thoughts around the pain of her death, why not celebrate the time you did have with her. Celebrate the good times. I think that will help.” On hearing his suggestion, I found myself shift slightly so I could look at his face. “When did you become so wise on dealing with grief?” I found myself asking. He shrugged. “I reap the dead, and have lived amongst the fair folk my entire life. I’ve picked stuff up from over the years” he said simply. I found myself smiling at that. “Thank you” I said. “Thank you for coming when I said I needed you. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for helping” I added, and without really thinking about it, cupped his face and kissed him. I was about to pull away, when he responded, deepening the kiss and in that moment, I was blind to everything except Gwyn. 

I stayed a bit longer, then Gwyn took me back to the Institute. Just before he left, he just looked at me and said softly “do not hesitate to contact me should you need me again” he said. “I won’t, I promise” I responded, and knew that I had no intention of breaking that promise. That evening I took Gwyn’s advice of remembering Livvy’s life, rather than simply reliving her death. It was a difficult conversation, with a lot of crying (particularly from Jules and Ty) but I had a sense it helped. The atmosphere around the Institute afterwards seemed to lift. Slowly, everyone seemed to come together, rather that isolating themselves. There was more laughter and conversation around, and I think people were sleeping and eating better. Livvy wasn’t forgotten, and she would never be, but at least the death wasn’t as raw as it once had been. I had a feeling Livvy was looking down at us smiling. Livvy wouldn’t have wanted her family to be in pain, and she would have hated knowing she was the cause. She would have wanted to bring them together, and I had a feeling that the Blackthorns, Kit, Christina and Emma were closer after her death.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a while since I had seen Gwyn, and was starting to worry he had lost interest in me. The fact this thought hurt me, and caused my heart to ache surprised me as it meant I was falling for him. I wouldn’t say I was in love with him as such, but things certainly seemed to be going in that general direction. I had opened up to him more that I had done with anyone else, which had to mean something. It had been Kieran who had put my mind at rest. Although Kieran had returned to the Wild Hunt, he still visited the Institute, or more specifically: he came to visit Mark. I’d been doing some work in the library and Kieran had walked in, but I hadn’t noticed until he started talking. “You look sad, Lady Diana” he commented. I was, but I had been trying to hide it from the Blackthorns. Apparently in my solitude, my mask had slipped. “You miss Gwyn, do you not?” he then added. I was tempted to lie, to deny his claim but I decided against it. Kieran had been lied to enough, and although this did not directly involve him, I decided that to tell him the truth.

“I admit I have found myself missing him a fair amount lately. I haven’t seen him in a while and I fear he may have lost interest in me, or have forgotten about me entirely” I admitted. Kieran sat down in front of me, and started talking. “You know that I cannot lie, so you must believe me when I tell you Gwyn speaks of you often. He has certainly not lost interest nor forgotten. He is still very much taken with you and speaks very highly about you” he said, which made my heat lift. He then slid a note across the table saying “He asked that I give you this” then left. I waited until he had completely left the library, then my curiosity and excitement got the better of me and I opened the letter to read it.

My lovely lady Diana.

I hope that Kieran has been able to deliver you this letter, and it finds you in good health. I hope you can forgive me for leaving so long since I last saw you, although the fault is not all mine. There has been an increase in violence – meaning a lot of dead to collect. It has kept me away from you, for which I can only apologise. I assure you that you have not left my thoughts, and you have a commonplace in my dreams, giving me peace at night. I ask that you meet with me night after next at dusk, so I might see you again. Kieran will return your reply to me.

Yours,

Gwyn Ap Nudd

Reading Gwyn’s letter had warmed my heart, and had lifted my mood enormously. I’d convinced myself he’d forgotten about me and had moved on, and yet he had admitted to thinking about me regularly. Finding a clean sheet of paper, I quickly wrote a response, agreeing to meet him, and gave it to Kieran. From that point onwards, I struggled to concentrate on anything. I was going to see Gwyn again, and soon. Apparently the Blackthorn children noticed a change in both my mood and behaviour. “Somethings made you happy Diana” Julian commented, smiling at me. “Or someone” Mark added, with a smile to match Julian’s. The fact I was blushing and had taken a sudden interest in my shoes seemed to confirm what my voice could not. Emma just hugged me saying “I’m glad you’ve found someone who makes you happy Diana, Angel knows you deserve it” which made me look up and return their smiles.

When the time came, I found myself getting nervous. It had been agreed that Mark would take me to where I’d be meeting Gwyn, as it was a part of faerie and Mark was the only person at the Institute who knew how to get there. I’d been ready for a while, and found myself nervously pacing my room in an attempt to keep myself busy. I heard a light knock on the door, and then Mark let himself in. “I could hear you pacing Diana” he said, as an explanation as to how he knew he could come in. he handed me a crown made of flowers, from both the mundane and faerie worlds. “Cristina and I made this for you. I think it will make Gwyn happy to see you wear it” he said. I thanked him and put it on, and I could see a small smile form on his face. He then offered me his arm saying “come, Gwyn will be waiting for us. I know he has been looking forward to seeing you again” he said, and with that we left.

It wasn’t a long walk to where the meeting was going to be happening. Before I knew it, Mark and taken his arm from me and had stepped back, and Gwyn on the Wild Hunt was standing in front of me. I had to stop myself from running at him. “My thanks, Mark” Gwyn said, his voice as deep and low as I remembered. Mark gave a bow and left. The second Mark was out of sight, Gwyn closed the gap between us, his hands gently on my waist, and mine circling his neck. “I have missed you, my lovely lady” he said softly. I smiled up at him then and responded with “and I have missed you” and I’m not sure who moved first, but we were kissing, are lips moving in a rhythm they had gotten used to. I’m not sure how long we were stood like that before we broke for air. Gwyn took a step back and offered me his hand. “Come Lady Diana, I have something to show you” and I was more than happy to take his hand and follow his lead. 

Gwyn had lead me to a small opening in a wood, and it took my breath away. I had never seen anything like this before in my life. I’d heard that faerie was beautiful, but it wasn’t until now did I believe it. Gwyn glanced over at me and asked “does it please you my lady?” and I nodded. “It does. How can it not Gwyn? It’s beautiful!” and he smiled, and held my close. “It’s beauty pales in comparison to yours” he flirted, then added “would you join me in a dance?” and I nodded. I was about to comment on the fact that I couldn’t actually hear any music for us to dance to, when I heard. A sweet melody filled the opening, and we started dancing. It was true: faeries had dancing in their blood. Before this moment, I couldn’t imagine Gwyn dancing, he didn’t seem the sort of person who would, but in that moment he was both graceful and gentle. 

We stayed together until the dawn broke, and although I knew we would need to part and go our separate ways, I didn’t want to, not yet anyway. Gwyn had cupped my face in one of his hands and was stoking my cheek with his thumb with a concerned look on his face. “Something troubles you” he said, and it was more of a statement than a question. “I wish we could have more time together. I don’t like how we have a few hours together and go weeks without seeing each other. I…I miss you Gwyn” I admitted. “And I you. I promise I will make sure we see each other more often” he said, then seemed to remember something. “There will be a revel next week. Will you accompany me to it? I wish for no one but you to be at my side” he asked. I frowned. “But I am a Shadowhunter. And it will be a faerie revel – will that be a problem?” Gwyn shook his head. “I am the leader of the Wild Hunt, so long as you are with me, there will be no problem” he said with a certain determination in his voice. I smiled then and said “well in that case, I accept your invitation Gwyn Ap Nudd” and this time, it was certainly Gwyn who instigated the kiss between us, as soft and gentle as he always was with me.


	6. Chapter 6

The following week passed in a blur and before I knew it, it was the day of the revel. I had just finished getting ready, when Emma and Cristina came bursting into my room. “Diana have you seen…why are you all dressed up like that?” Emma asked. I have a feeling Cristina suspected it had something to do with Gwyn. I had intended on telling them of my relationship with Gwyn (Mark, Kieran and Cristina knew but respected it was not their news to share, so had remained silent) but had never found a good moment, or the words to do so. Taking a deep breath I replied with “I’m going to a faerie revel on the invitation of Gwyn Ap Nudd” which, after a short stunned silence caused Emma to widen her eyes, then squeal and throw her arms around me. Cristina just gave an excited round of applause, saying it was nice that I was going out on a date.

It seems that Jules had heard Emma squeal, assume she was in danger, and had come running in with a blade in hand, only to put it down on seeing us hugging. “Is everything OK” he asked, ever the one to look after those he cared about. Emma broke the hug, and turned to Jules, her face beaming “Diana is going on a date with Gwyn” she announced, then she seemed to realise what she had said and ran of the room screaming “DIANA HAS A DATE WITH GWYN OF THE WILD HUNT” at the top of her lungs over and over again. Jules looked at me with a raised eyebrow “do you really?” he asked me and when I confirmed I was, he grinned. He perched on the bed, and Cristina sat next to him. “So…how long has this been going on for?” He asked, causing me to shrug. “A while?” I said. I wasn’t sure the exact moment I realised that yes, I was in a relationship with Gwyn, I just knew that I was. 

Jules looked insulted “a while. A WHILE AND YOU HAVEN’T TOLD US” and then looked at Cristina asking “did you know?” and when we both nodded, he just looked between us going “I don’t know what to think” and left. Cristina laughed then got up and hugged me. “I’m happy for you Diana, I really am” then left. The next fifteen minutes involved me checking the last few details, and having the Blackthorns drifting in and out of my room saying they had heard Emma’s screaming and were happy I was happy. Helen and Aline had come in, hugged me and made me promise to give them all the details, and said “if you need any advice you know where to find us”. Dru had thanked me, as she had won 10 dollars off Kit (she had bet Kit that the reason I was happy was because of a relationship). Kit (followed by Ty) had said “You lost me 10 dollars, but hey I guess you’re happy so I’ll deal with it”. They had been about to leave when Ty had looked at me and gone “Livvy would have been thrilled if she was here” which made my heart contract a little bit. I made a silent promise to Livvy to make this night particularly special for her sake. Tavvy had come in just before Jules put him to bed saying I ought to wear dresses more often as “they make you look pretty” which made me grin even more than I already was. 

Mark and Kieran were last. “Gwyn’s here Diana” Kieran informed me, and after taking a deep breath a followed them. “Gwyn’s a luck man Diana, you look beautiful” Mark said then opened the doors. Gwyn was at the bottom of the stairs, and seemed to be incapable of doing anything other than staring. Kieran smirked then added “You’ve managed to shut up the Leader of the Wild Hunt. Something I thought was impossible”. I’d made it down to the bottom of the steps and gave him a soft kiss on the lips before he finally managed to say something. “The Gods must be very kind to allow me to be seen with someone as beautiful as you” he said so quietly that we were the only two who heard what he said. I had a feeling we were being watched but that didn’t stop me from kissing him again. 

He’d helped me onto his horse (I didn’t need help but he had wanted to help me so I let him) when Emma flung open a window, with Jules beside her and screamed “you look after her Gwyn. If she gets hurt you’ll be sorry”. Gwyn simply bowed in her direction, to acknowledge what she had said and joined me on the horse and we left. I allowed myself to hold onto him as we rode to the revel – which I had found out was being held by the Queen of the Seelie. When we arrived, and he had helped me off the horse (again I hadn’t needed help but he had wanted to give it) he asked “When did the Blackthorns find out about us?” and the memory of it all made me smile. I slipped my fingers into his then responded with “Not long before you arrived. Mark, Kieran and Cristina already knew of course, but the others only just found out. I think they were more insulted I hadn’t told them earlier than anything else. I think they could see you make me happy and didn’t want to take that from me” I said, which made him smile a little bit.

“And do I? Make you happy” he asked. I nodded then before giving my answer of “so much” and this time, it was him who kissed me. I think that had we not had a revel to go to, we would have been quite happy just standing there talking and kissing but we wouldn’t so off to the revel we went. Gwyn it seemed was an actual gentlemen by offering me his arm to walk me in. He made sure I wouldn’t going to eat or drink anything unless he said it wasn’t laced with faerie magic. It seemed my initial concern over being the only Shadowhunter at a faerie revel was ill placed, as Gwyn had informed me it would be. People saw him with me and asked no question, made no comment not looked at us twice. Saying that, I they might have done but I only had eyes and ears for Gwyn – nothing else mattered. He kept alternating between giving me compliments and telling me stories about the other revels he had attended. 

I’m not sure how much time had passed but at some point during the revel asked if I wanted to go somewhere a little less crowded, and I was more than happy to agree. He found us a small alcove with a bench, and there were small candles doted all over the place. “It’s beautiful” I whispered and it was. “Not as beautiful as you Lady Diana” Gwyn responded. He claimed not to know much about romance or relationships but he really was an old school romantic at times. We sat on the bench, and I just leant into him, with his arms around me. We didn’t say anything, there was nothing to say, nothing to do other than to enjoy each other’s company. It was perfect. Well it was until the Seelie Queen decided to join us. There was something cold about her I didn’t like. On her arrival, both of us were on our feet, and Gwyn had protectively stood in front of me. I’d slid my fingers into his hand so he knew I was there. 

“So it’s true then, the leader of the Wild Hunt has fallen in love with a Shadowhunter” she said, and my grip tightened on Gwyn’s hand. Clearly she wasn’t going to be accepting as the Blackthorns had been. “It is true your highness. But before you pass judgement on me, might I remind you that your lover Sebastian Morgenstern was in fact a Shadowhunter. Where Sebastian did nothing but evil in this world, Diana has done nothing but good” Gwyn responded, and the Seelie Queen visibly stiffened. I felt sick to my stomach, and hoped things wouldn’t get nasty. I had a feeling Gwyn had touched a nerve, and things would escalate. She was a Queen with more warriors at her control than Gwyn did. “May I remind you what her kind did to us Gwyn when they inflicted the Cold Peace onto us? Sebastian would never have let that happen. They murdered him before it was created, and she was could have done something but she did not. You will regret crossing me Hunter” she growled and with that she left. 

I found myself letting go of a breath I hadn’t realised I had been holding, and became aware that my hand in Gwyn’s had gone clammy, so immediately retracted it and whipped it on my dress. I took a step back, allowing Gwyn to collect himself. There was an awkwardness in the air that hadn’t been there before. Gwyn seemed to realise that I was no longer next to him, turned and closed the gap I had created. Lightly placing his hand on my waist, and another on my cheek, he looked me in the eye and went “Many of my kind are angry because of the Cold Peace, and a lot of them blame the Queen, for it was she who sided with Sebastian, and her army betrayed the Shadowhunters. It was this betrayal that caused the Cold Peace. The Queen does not like the blame is on her, so will do everything in her power to worsen the hate many of the fair folk have for the Nephilim to make them forget why the Cold Peace was created in the first place. I am sorry she turned her hated to you”.

I could understand her motives, but it didn’t mean I agreed. “You do realise that there was nothing I could have done don’t you?” I asked, needing to know the answer. He nodded, and for extra emphasis placed a soft kiss on my lips. There was something still bothering me though “you will be careful won’t you. She threatened you and I don’t want you to get hurt. I care about you too much” I whispered, which was true. The idea that Gwyn could get hurt and it be my fault was horrible, and I had no idea if I could live with the guilt. He frowned slightly and I worried I had said something wrong. “You care for me?” he asked slowly. I nodded then and added “of course I do Gwyn. I care about you because I love you” and there it was: my feelings for the Hunter out in the open. He gave one of his beautiful smiles then, and said something I will always remember: “I love you too” and then his kissed me again. I have no idea how long the kiss lasted, but it was as sure as anything wasn’t long enough. 

When the kiss broke, he just looked at me and went “I think it is time I took you home don’t you?” and I could not help but agree. Instead of taking me back to the Institute, he took me back to the place I had in L.A at my request. He’d landed his steed, and had helped me off. “Thank you, for tonight Gwyn” I said, as I had, for the most part, enjoyed myself. “It was my pleasure to spend time with you my lady” he said softly and I found myself blushing. He gave me a soft kiss in the cheek, and turned to leave, when I grabbed his wrist. “Must you go? Can you not stay the night?” I asked. Gwyn looked to the sky, and then took a step closer to me. “I think my hunters can survive a bit longer without me if that is what you wish” he said, making me smile. “I do wish some more time with you by my side” I admitted and with that I let us both into my house. 

I was aware of Gwyn taking in my home as we walked through it, but for once it didn’t bother me. Gwyn knew my secrets so I knew I had nothing to hide. I’d taken him to my room, and he noticed an old photo by my bed. “Is this your sister?” he asked. It had been taken in Thailand, before my sister’s death and I had fully transitioned. It was one of the few photos I had of the pair of us that I liked. “Yes. We hadn’t been in Thailand long when that photo was taken by Caterina” I said. He glanced back at the photo and went “you look like her” he said and then put the photo back down. I just grabbed some pyjamas then and quickly ran to the bathroom. Having changed, brushed my teeth and removed the make-up I had been Wwearing I returned to my room and to Gwyn. He’d removed most of what he was wearing, with the exception of his trousers and had placed them neatly in the corner, and was perched on the end of the bed. 

“Do you need anything?” I asked, and he shook his head. “I did, but she returned” he said, and considereing how bad he was at flirting when we first met, it was an improvement. “Well that’s good then” I said and took his hand, and got him to stand up. Lifting up the duvet, Gwyn slid into the bed first, then allowed me to slide in next to him before putting the duvet back, then circled his arms round my waist. He kissed me on the neck then whispered “Good night my love” which made me wriggle a bit closer to him. “Good night Gwyn” I whispered back, and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep in the arms of a faerie, but not just any faerie: but one that I knew loved me.


	7. Chapter 7

When the Seelie Queen made a promise of revenge, it was a promise she intended to keep, I knew that, we all did, but it still scared me just how far she was prepared to go to carry out this promise. I had been at my house in L.A, settling down for the evening to relax, there was a loud, desperate banging coming from my back door. On opening it, the sight that met my eyes made me both sick and scared in equal measures.

Kieran was attempting to hold up a very injured Gwyn. I could tell by Kieran’s terrified face, and the fact he was having to hold Gwyn up (who was covered in blood and was hardly conscious) that it was bad, even without seeing the injuries. Grabbing Gwyn’s other arm, I helped Kieran bring him into my house, and helped him onto the sofa, covering it in blood. The sofa was replaceable but the man I love was not. Whilt running around to get sponges, water and bandages, I managed to get a story out of Kieran. Gwyn had been on his way to see me when the soldiers of the Queens Court had attacked him. Gwyn was a good fighter, but he was severely outnumbered.

They had injured him, and, on assuming he was dead, left him. One had found the hunt, and had gloated that they had killed their leader. Kieran, on not believing this, had found him still alive and taken him to me. Heading back to Gwyn, and with the help of Kieran, removed most of Gwyn’s clothing and armour to see the extent of his injuries. I could manage his injury from the riders but this? This was beyond anything I could deal with. Getting Kieran to make a start on cleaning him up, I rang the one person who I could trust to help.

Thankfully, Catarina picked up the phone after only a couple of rings. Instead of starting out with pleasantries I just blurt out “Cat, I need you, how can you get to mine?”, the panic in my voice obvious. I could hear Catarina talking a deep breath, obviously about to calm me down. “Diana, I need you to take a deep breath and tell me whats going on, are you hurt?” she asked. So I took the breath she told me to take, and started talking.

“Gwyn got attacked by Seelie soilders because of me, he’s badly hurt and needs someone who is a better at healing than I am to help him” I explained. I heard Cat take a sharp intake of breath. “You know the Cold Peace forbids us having any contact with the fair folk” Catarina explained, and any self-control I had was gone. “THE MAN I LOVE IS BLEEDING OUT ON MY SOFA AND I CANNOT STAND HERE AND WATCH HIM DIE” and I could feel the silence that followed. “Then I shall portal myself over” Cat finally said and hung up the phone.

I returned to Gwyn’s side, brushed his hair from his face and kissed his cheek. “Help is coming my love, please stay strong for me” I whispered. Not ten minutes later, Catarina arrived and sent both Kieran and I out the room, leaving us pacing worryingly. To Kieran, Gwyn was the loving father figure he deserved, and to me, he was the only person I had given my heart to and I had willingly given my heart to. I have no idea how long we were pacing for, but finally Catarina came out saying he was stable, but weak and we could see him. Kieran stayed for a bit, but needed to return to the Hunt to update them on the state of their leader. 

I just found myself sitting on the floor, gently stroking Gwyn’s face, whispering how much I loved him and how badly I needed him to get better. Eventually I ended up falling asleep like that simply out of exhaustion. By the time I woke up the following morning (I had no idea how long I had been asleep) with my hand still cupping Gwyn’s face, I saw a blue and black set of eyes looking back at me, and the relief was both instant and just unexplainable. 

“You’re alive” I whispered, aware that I sounded very obvious in that moment, but simply not caring as my emotions were running far too high. My hand was still on his face and there was no way I was moving it any time soon. I needed to make sure this was real. “I am my lady thanks to you” which made me blush. I just glanced at my lap for a moment before going “I did nothing. Catarina…” but Gwyn cut me off by going “would not have been here had it not been for you. I could hear everything that happened, I heard you beg her to come” he said. Knowing he had heard me put a lump in my throat and made tears sting the back of my eyes. 

“I meant it Gwyn, I meant every word. I couldn’t cope if you died. If I had seen you die, that would have killed me” I said truthfully, and before I knew it I was crying. I lowered my head so my forehead was touching Gwyn’s, for I needed him now more than I ever needed. I could hear him whisper words of comfort to me. It was when he said “I am here my love, you will never lose me” did I look up and kiss him softly on the lips, only for him to pull me in for a deeper kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

Gwyn stayed at mine for a few days after his injury. Initially it was because I wanted to give him time to rest and heal, and then it was because I didn’t want him to leave me. Much to my surprise we turned into that romantic couple but neither of us cared. Kieran would come and visit as often as he could, which was sweet. There were times I left them to talk, but there were times Kieran asked me to stay because “you matter to Gwyn and you’ve started to matter to me” which put a lump in my throat. I made a promise to him that I’d look after Gwyn and it was a promise I was determined to keep.

We turned into such a cliché couple but neither of us cared. When he was still healing, I was so scared to touch him, in case I hurt him, that I would only touch him when I had to wash and change dressings. It seemed that there was only so much of it Gwyn could tolerate so one night, after Gwyn had checked his injuries he made the effort to sit up and went “I am not made of glass Diana, I will not break” and I just looked at him with wide eyes going “You have already hurt so much Gwyn, I don’t want to hurt you further” I admitted. Gwyn stretched a hand out to me going “please, you not touching me hurts more” and it broke my heart.

I found myself cuddling Gwyn, with us both covered in a blanket, with him reading from a book of faerie folk law and poetry. I felt safe, being wrapped in his arms and listening to his heartbeat in his chest. He had a beautiful reading voice, deep and low but perfect at the same time. The fact that he wasn’t wearing a shirt and I had his bare chest under me certainly helped matters. It did mean I had a proper chance to look at some of the scars that covered his skin. I hadn’t realised I had been gently running my finger over one of them until he stopped reading. I glanced up to find a pair of eyes looking at me. I immediately blushed then, and at him raising an eyebrow at me, I found myself asking “how did you get it?”

“I had a disagreement with one of Kieran’s brothers” he said simply said and I frowned slightly. “You disagreed and you walked away with a scar?” I asked and Gwyn shrugged then. “He was being rude about Kieran and I disagreed. And if you think the scar is bad, you should have seen the other guy” he explained and I couldn’t help myself my laugh. “Was that supposed to be a joke?” I asked and Gwyn gave a small smile “I don’t know, was it funny?” he replied. Instead of answering his question, I kissed him softly. With the book now lying forgotten, I found myself asking about the other scars I could see on Gwyn, and he was more than happy to give the stories behind them. 

The following day, Gwyn deemed himself healed enough to get up off the sofa and walk around my house a bit. It had scared me slightly but it had resulted in me getting a few hugs from Gwyn (I’d be in the middle of doing something and without any warning I would get a strong set of arms around my waist pulling me close to Gwyn and having him kiss my neck. Yes it made jobs take that bit longer but who was I to complain? Gwyn really could be sweet when he wanted to be. However I would struggle to forget the day that Gwyn tried to cook the dinner for me. I’d come back from a day teaching the Blackthorn’s and had gotten to my door when I had a feeling something was very wrong. Hand on a weapon, I let myself in. That’s when I smelt burning. Following my nose I found myself in the kitchen with a very confused Gwyn trying to salvage a very burnt bit of I don’t even know what. Given his face and the smell I had a feeling this wasn’t his first attempt. 

If it had been anyone else I think I would have been absolutely horrified, but seeing Gwyn look of both confusion and sheer determination of “I will not be beaten by the simple task of cooking” made me smile. He still was unaware of my presence so I just stood behind him, wrapped my arms and rested my forehead against his back, between his shoulder blades. I felt Gwyn temporarily stiffen before ditching his cooking attempt and rest his fingers on mine. “I’m sorry. I tried my best, I really did” he said in such a small voice that I tightened my arms around him going “I know you did”.

We just stood there for a bit before a tentatively asked “what was it you were trying to make Gwyn” which caused him to sigh heavily. “In all honestly Gwyn I don’t even know anymore” he mumbled, then added “we do things differently in the hunt, I’m not used to all these….contraptions” which made me smile despite myself. Letting go of him, I opened a few windows to let the smoke and smell of burning out, then cupped his face and went “we’ll order something in tonight, but from then, I’ll stay in charge of the cooking OK?” which made Gwyn look like a really sad puppy. “But I wanted to help” he confessed which melted my heart. Kissing him I went “you can, but please let me do the cooking” and Gwyn’s smile made it worth it. 

I ordered us some pizza and smiled at Gwyn’s slight confusion. This wasn’t food he was used to eating in the Hunt, but to give him credit, he tried everything I gave him. Thankfully he liked it. The next day, I made Gwyn promise not to do any cooking until I came home from the Institute. He promise and kept it, which made me smile, but what made me smile more was his eagerness to get started. I hadn’t had time to put my stuff down when he took my hand, practically pulling me into the kitchen. He reminded me of Tavvy in that moment, especially when it came to days like Christmas and Easter. “Gwyn please, I just got in, give me a minute to sort myself out” I laugh, which won me a kiss. “I apologise. I will allow you time” he said, and kissed me again. 

Having put my bag away and changed, and returned to Gwyn. “Ready?” I asked and gave a very enthusiastic nod, making me smile. Walking to the kitchen, I announced we were going to be making a Thai noodle dish, and Gwyn frowned slightly going “you had this dish with your sister, Aria whilst in Thailand” he said. I remembered telling him during one of our conversations several weeks ago. I was surprised he’d remembered and I told him as such. “Of course I remember. I remember everything you’ve ever told me, because you are important to me” which made me smile. I was touched by what he had said. After a slight pause, I remembered what we were supposed to be doing, I told Gwyn what we needed and we set about getting everything out. 

As for the actually cooking itself, I had Gwyn help me prepare all the food (it soon became very clear who had prepared what, not that I was going to tell Gwyn that at all. He looked proud of himself and I wasn’t going to take that away from him) But I did all the actual cooking. I explained what I was doing and had Gwyn be my official taste tester. I found it difficult to concentrate on not burning the food, as Gwyn had insisted on standing behind me, hands on my waist, lightly kissing my neck. Damn this man was a distraction but I was too in love with him to say so. Plus I found myself enjoying his actions a little bit too much to ask him to stop. We were close to finishing when Gwyn mumbled some excuses and walked off, leaving me feeling very confused. He came back as I was plating up with a smile on his face that read “I know something you don’t know” and I knew better than to ask.

Picking up our plates he said, “If my lady would like to go through to the east wing” which made me giggle slightly. I walked into the dining room and gasped. He’d turned down the lights, had lighted some candles, worked out how to put some music on (I suspected he’d had help with that one) with some romantic music playing, and had set up a vase of roses. “Gwyn…” I said but realised I didn’t know what to say. It was beautiful to say the least and I didn’t have the words to express myself. “Is it…OK?” he asked awkwardly, putting the plates down. I could see the worry on his face as he asked the question. “It’s beautiful Gwyn, I don’t deserve this” I confessed. Gwyn walked over and wrapped his arms around me. “Of course you don’t. You deserve so much more but this is the best I can do right now” he said and pulled me closer to me and kissed me deeply.

Had we not had food on the table, we would have stayed there kissing. But we ended up breaking the kiss and sat down and ate. Gwyn kept asking about my time in Thailand, but not about the demon attacks or my transition, but about the time I spent with my sister seeing the country. I was more than happy to talk. When we finished, Gwyn helped me do the washing up which was really sweet him, and I insisted that he didn’t have to. That night, like a couple of nights before, we cuddled on the sofa as he read to me.


End file.
